I blame the Greeks

Last week, I reported god’s anger toward us for pushing a gay/environmental/equality agenda. But I was wrong. It wasnt him, I gave him too much credit. looking down on Earth from Mt. Olympus, one thing is abundantly clear: Zeus is pissed. Aside from being the King of Gods, he is also the god of weather, the god of law and order, law and order: SVU, and the god of fate.

Working chiefly with Poseidon (god of the sea, rivers, floods, droughts, and earthquakes), these two have wreaked havoc across America. An earthquake on the east coast, devastating floods from Hurricane Irene, and historic flooding along the Mississippi River.

And now, Hephaestus (god of fire), is getting in on the fun by spreading more and more wildfires. Half the country is burning, the other half is being washed away!!

We’ve also learned that the USPS is “operating on a week’s worth of cash” according to the Postmaster General and could face shutdowns. Clearly the work of Hermes, the god of messengers, language, and writing.

And it also seems that Hera, queen of marriage, women, and childbirth, has defected to the Tea Party to help them put a stop to reproductive rights in dozens of states.

Last, but not least, who could forget Hades? King of the underworld, god of the dead, and leader of the tea party. His strangle hold seems to be iron-clad. He could not be reached for comment.

Current reports suggest that several of the other gods, primarily Aphrodite (goddess of love and beauty), Apollo (god of music, healing, and poetry), Ares (god of manly courage and civil order), and Athena (goddess of wisdom, heroic endeavor, and reason) are in hiding, strategizing on a way to overthrow these dark times. this could not be confirmed independently, however.

But being that these gods are Greek, and that the current state of Greece is, well…its pretty bad, there is one thing we can do: kick these gods to the curb and start hanging out with the Norse God’s. After all, Germany does have its shit together!! See you at Oktoberfest with Loki, Thor, and Odin!

-M-

surrounded by ignorance.

so as you all may know, there still rages a huge debate across the country about the proposed community center 2 blocks from ground zero.

wait…you mean you didnt know? you just thought it was a mosque??? well, if you are like most american’s, you probably have no fucking clue what park51 is (did you know thats what it was called? doubtful).

pay attention, this next part is important:

Park51 will grow into a world-class community center, planned to include the following facilities:

* outstanding recreation spaces and fitness facilities (swimming pool, gym, basketball court)
* a 500-seat auditorium
* a restaurant and culinary school
* cultural amenities including exhibitions
* education programs
* a library, reading room and art studios
* childcare services
* a prayer space, intended to be run separately from Park51 but open to and accessible to all members, visitors and our New York community
* a September 11th memorial and quiet contemplation space, open to all

wow! amazing! that sounds great! but wait…if we build this…then the terrorists win. and we cant have that. that would be a spit in the face to all the victims of 9/11. but, if we dont build it, then then terrorists will look at us and decry our intolerance of the islamic faith and the freedom of religious expression as a whole. and that is contrary to what our founding fathers wanted. a seemingly lose-lose situation. this is quite a predicament. what to do?

wait…

i have an idea…

HOW ABOUT WE DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT THE TERRORISTS THINK? hows that grab you? so simple a fucking child could understand it. this country is so damn concerned about the reactions of the terrorists. who fucking cares what they think?

the intolerance and bigotry in this country (ESPECIALLY the south…see Murfreesboro, Tennessee) is overwhelmingly disgusting.

grow up.

–M–

Dumb Desicions, Vol. 1

Hindsight may be 20/20, but this seems like a no brainer. way back in the day, you got this guy jesus running around performing miracles. pretty sweet if you ask me. All across the gospels of matthew, mark, luke, and john miracles can be seen. they include: resurrections, exorcisms, walking on water, turning water into wine, healing the blind, and curing leprosy. what a guy.

now all of this do-goodery hes got going on really pisses of the romans. they decide to nail him to a bunch of wood and bleed him out. so what does jesus do? HE LETS THEM!! seriously JC, what was the thought process on that one guy? you know what i would have done? let them nail me up, and just chill there. day after day after day. im the fucking son of god! “hey pontius…i can do this all day kid.”

if he did that, it would have proven to everyone he was the son of god. it would be without question. word would travel across the world that there is a god and jesus is his son. but nope, he died. whats miraculous about that? now a days we have countries fighting other countries in the name of religion, people murdering other people because “god told them to.” on top of that, there are unspeakable crimes committed every second of every day (like all the catholic priests raping little boys…GO RELIGION!).

yea, good thing he died for our sins instead of sticking around. its working out great.

–M–

Pascal’s Wager vs. Gallo’s Counter

Pascal’s Wager is simple and elegant, very to the point. simply put “that even though the existence of God cannot be determined through reason, a person should wager as though God exists, because living life accordingly has everything to gain, and nothing to lose.”

Now this is where Gallo’s Counter comes in. Those of you who know me know that i walk with a cocksure arrogance and maintain an overwhelming amount of self-confidence. i personally believe that i can take on any situation. this situation is no different. i intend to live my life as i see fit, and if in the end there actually is a god…then i will ask for forgiveness and he will grant it to me. how do i know this? it says so in the this bible that everyone talks so much about.

“We are made right in God’s sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done… We are made right with God when we believe that Jesus shed his blood, sacrificing his life for us.” Romans 3:22,25

–M–

i’m a christian because im American? i’m all set with that.

Its amusing to think about the simple fact that religion is severely influenced by where you are born. For instance:
-North and South America, Europe, and Australia are christian.
-The southern half of Africa is a mix of christianity and tribal religions.
-The northern half of Africa and the Middle East are primarily Islamic.
-India is Hindu.
-China is a split between Buddhism and “chinese religions.”
-Russia, Greenland, and northern Canada are a split between tribal religions and the non-religious.

Back to the part about this being amusing to me. people live and die by their religion…kill others in the name of religion. yet this religion is almost wholly determined by where you are born. Its like a sports team…people, as a whole, root for the sports team in the city they grew up in. They are also rabid about their teams. This is especially true for football and soccer. It’s madness!!!

we are lucky to live in a country that doesn’t kill or imprison us for not worshiping the correct god (or the wrong team). if that were the case, then to the arctic circle I go!

–M–

The man in the mirror

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27

Hmm, a thought occurred. If god created us in his image…shouldnt we all be pure and perfect beings? We shouldnt be killing, murdering, raping, stealing, assaulting, molesting, grand theft autoing, and warring with each other!!!

Point: But mike, god created adam and eve in his own image and they ate the apple and thus created original sin so its their fault!

Counterpoint: well then, good sirs, if god created only adam and eve in his image, then shouldnt THEY have been pure and perfect, thus immune to the effects of trickery? I mean…unless god is weak, theyd have to be immune!

Conclusion? maybe god isnt as infallible as he’s made out to be.

–M–

Im Agnostic (and you are too!)

What you are about to read is very VERY important…it could very well mean the end of all the horrific and nightmarish acts and atrocities people commit toward each other “in the name of religion!” As it turns out…we are all Agnostic! Isn’t that wonderful news! Now that we are all the same, we have no need to rape and kill each other for being different!

Now I know that this transition is going to take time, that it won’t be accomplished overnight. But it is a very simple conversion to make. All you have to do is understand why you dismiss all other religions as false, then you will understand why yours is dismissed for the same reason. Then the understanding that we all “believe” will be realized and you will recognize that its not who or what you believe, but that belief exists.

–M–