I blame the Greeks

Last week, I reported god’s anger toward us for pushing a gay/environmental/equality agenda. But I was wrong. It wasnt him, I gave him too much credit. looking down on Earth from Mt. Olympus, one thing is abundantly clear: Zeus is pissed. Aside from being the King of Gods, he is also the god of weather, the god of law and order, law and order: SVU, and the god of fate.

Working chiefly with Poseidon (god of the sea, rivers, floods, droughts, and earthquakes), these two have wreaked havoc across America. An earthquake on the east coast, devastating floods from Hurricane Irene, and historic flooding along the Mississippi River.

And now, Hephaestus (god of fire), is getting in on the fun by spreading more and more wildfires. Half the country is burning, the other half is being washed away!!

We’ve also learned that the USPS is “operating on a week’s worth of cash” according to the Postmaster General and could face shutdowns. Clearly the work of Hermes, the god of messengers, language, and writing.

And it also seems that Hera, queen of marriage, women, and childbirth, has defected to the Tea Party to help them put a stop to reproductive rights in dozens of states.

Last, but not least, who could forget Hades? King of the underworld, god of the dead, and leader of the tea party. His strangle hold seems to be iron-clad. He could not be reached for comment.

Current reports suggest that several of the other gods, primarily Aphrodite (goddess of love and beauty), Apollo (god of music, healing, and poetry), Ares (god of manly courage and civil order), and Athena (goddess of wisdom, heroic endeavor, and reason) are in hiding, strategizing on a way to overthrow these dark times. this could not be confirmed independently, however.

But being that these gods are Greek, and that the current state of Greece is, well…its pretty bad, there is one thing we can do: kick these gods to the curb and start hanging out with the Norse God’s. After all, Germany does have its shit together!! See you at Oktoberfest with Loki, Thor, and Odin!

-M-

surrounded by ignorance.

so as you all may know, there still rages a huge debate across the country about the proposed community center 2 blocks from ground zero.

wait…you mean you didnt know? you just thought it was a mosque??? well, if you are like most american’s, you probably have no fucking clue what park51 is (did you know thats what it was called? doubtful).

pay attention, this next part is important:

Park51 will grow into a world-class community center, planned to include the following facilities:

* outstanding recreation spaces and fitness facilities (swimming pool, gym, basketball court)
* a 500-seat auditorium
* a restaurant and culinary school
* cultural amenities including exhibitions
* education programs
* a library, reading room and art studios
* childcare services
* a prayer space, intended to be run separately from Park51 but open to and accessible to all members, visitors and our New York community
* a September 11th memorial and quiet contemplation space, open to all

wow! amazing! that sounds great! but wait…if we build this…then the terrorists win. and we cant have that. that would be a spit in the face to all the victims of 9/11. but, if we dont build it, then then terrorists will look at us and decry our intolerance of the islamic faith and the freedom of religious expression as a whole. and that is contrary to what our founding fathers wanted. a seemingly lose-lose situation. this is quite a predicament. what to do?

wait…

i have an idea…

HOW ABOUT WE DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT THE TERRORISTS THINK? hows that grab you? so simple a fucking child could understand it. this country is so damn concerned about the reactions of the terrorists. who fucking cares what they think?

the intolerance and bigotry in this country (ESPECIALLY the south…see Murfreesboro, Tennessee) is overwhelmingly disgusting.

grow up.

–M–

And thats why i hate you.

currently where i live, it takes me about an hour to commute to my office. I have to take a bus. its not bad at all; get the paper, its air conditioned, put my headphones in…sometimes i just go to sleep. Then bingo…at work. but the other day i saw something that i personally have not seen before on a bus. a woman was handing out literature about whatever god she happened to believe in at the time.

now dont get me wrong. if people want to post up in public areas and hand out pamphlets to people that would like to accept them, then go for it!!! (although i do think thats a stupid idea as a whole since they are handing out booklets about religions that everyone on this fucking planet, not to mention a major metropolitan area, has heard of…its not something new and magical. if i was interested in your religion, id come and get info about it on my own).

so this bitch is walking down the bus as we are moving along asking people if they want her book. I have my earphones in and my shades on so i pretend to be asleep. she shakes me, literally puts her hands on my shoulder and shakes me “awake”, and then holds up the book and asks me if i want a copy.

fuck you. and fuck no.

I AM ON A FRIGGIN BUS! what can i do? where can i go? in a public area i can just keep walking, but this bitch is just harassing and asking everyone. if i wanted your book, id hit you with a brick and take it.

and thats why i hate all people who feel the need to force THEIR religion down the throats of everyone around them. seriously…dont you have a job or something? maybe some kids to take care of? anything other then trying to get people to convert to your religion? is there some incentive program where you get prizes based on the number of converts? LEST WE FORGET THAT HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS (thats not a typo…millions) OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED BECAUSE THEY REFUSED TO CONVERT TO SOMEONE ELSE’S BELIEF SYSTEM?!?!

–M–

ps…according to scientists, the number of recorded murders in the history of man is thought to be around 284,638,000(R.J. Rummel). 151,491,000 have been in the last 100 years. If you add together ONLY those killed from nazi germany, nationalist china, and atheistic communism, it totals roughly 141,160,000. thats 49.59%!!! practically 50% of all people murdered in the history of the world happened in the last 100 years under regimes who were “our way or death” as far as religion is concerned (and that doesnt even count the deaths from the crusades of the middle ages, the spanish inquisition, or the various witch trials held throughout the world). fail.

Dumb Desicions, Vol. 1

Hindsight may be 20/20, but this seems like a no brainer. way back in the day, you got this guy jesus running around performing miracles. pretty sweet if you ask me. All across the gospels of matthew, mark, luke, and john miracles can be seen. they include: resurrections, exorcisms, walking on water, turning water into wine, healing the blind, and curing leprosy. what a guy.

now all of this do-goodery hes got going on really pisses of the romans. they decide to nail him to a bunch of wood and bleed him out. so what does jesus do? HE LETS THEM!! seriously JC, what was the thought process on that one guy? you know what i would have done? let them nail me up, and just chill there. day after day after day. im the fucking son of god! “hey pontius…i can do this all day kid.”

if he did that, it would have proven to everyone he was the son of god. it would be without question. word would travel across the world that there is a god and jesus is his son. but nope, he died. whats miraculous about that? now a days we have countries fighting other countries in the name of religion, people murdering other people because “god told them to.” on top of that, there are unspeakable crimes committed every second of every day (like all the catholic priests raping little boys…GO RELIGION!).

yea, good thing he died for our sins instead of sticking around. its working out great.

–M–

into the darkness…

In the end, i oft wonder (dare i say hope) that when i die i am sent to another plane of existence. A place where the righteous battle the damned in a struggle that has lasted so long that no one knows way the fight. Yet they fight on in a war where no side is right but both sides are wrong.

In this new land, i will bow to no one and fight under my own flag. There will be others like me and together, we will band together. As we travel across this land, those we encounter will be killed if they force us to bend to their ways. For what is worse, a fallen angel…or a demon with a conscience?

Time and again, we will come to expect death. Time and again…we will escape it. And when the sweet embrace finally takes us, pulling us into a warmth that would make anyone want to sleep forever, we are sent to the next plane. And we learn something…

…you never truly live…until you die.

–M–

The man in the mirror

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27

Hmm, a thought occurred. If god created us in his image…shouldnt we all be pure and perfect beings? We shouldnt be killing, murdering, raping, stealing, assaulting, molesting, grand theft autoing, and warring with each other!!!

Point: But mike, god created adam and eve in his own image and they ate the apple and thus created original sin so its their fault!

Counterpoint: well then, good sirs, if god created only adam and eve in his image, then shouldnt THEY have been pure and perfect, thus immune to the effects of trickery? I mean…unless god is weak, theyd have to be immune!

Conclusion? maybe god isnt as infallible as he’s made out to be.

–M–

Im Agnostic (and you are too!)

What you are about to read is very VERY important…it could very well mean the end of all the horrific and nightmarish acts and atrocities people commit toward each other “in the name of religion!” As it turns out…we are all Agnostic! Isn’t that wonderful news! Now that we are all the same, we have no need to rape and kill each other for being different!

Now I know that this transition is going to take time, that it won’t be accomplished overnight. But it is a very simple conversion to make. All you have to do is understand why you dismiss all other religions as false, then you will understand why yours is dismissed for the same reason. Then the understanding that we all “believe” will be realized and you will recognize that its not who or what you believe, but that belief exists.

–M–

 

The Book of Mike

Ages ago, in a time before mankind was even a glimmer of a shadow of a thought upon the immaculate fabric of the cosmos, there was only One. He looked upon the perfect order of the universe and was discontent, vowing to craft the greatest of all stories in the virgin darkness. His was an amazing power, one too great for any mortal mind to comprehend. With His left hand, He plucked a twinkling of amusement from His Own Eye, casting the glimmering jewel outward. With His Great Hammer, He shattered this Source of All Light, spreading the fragments through the Universe and arranging them to His own delight. With His right hand The One scribed the laws that would govern the Universe, simple limericks of gravity, electromagnetism, and matter, the foundations of all that Man would discover and name Science. One planet in particular He was proud of, crafting it with both His Mighty Hands, and His touch was quickly felt. Wherever The Great and Powerful One laid His Hand, life sprang forth, growing and evolving, borrowing from him the tiniest fragment of the Great Flame of Life which burned within Him, indeed, which comprised Him. And He did choose the mightiest of these lifeforms, communicating to them in the thought-language of Gods the path toward civilization and enlightenment. And so, Man did flourish across this great planet, filling its lands and leaving its mark upon the landscape. And then The One looked upon the great Chaos that He had wrought upon the once-immaculate cosmos, and He did smile, for it was His Chaos, and it pleased him. On a Whim, The One decided at that moment that forever will he walk among the Great Flock of His Creation, reborn time and again as one of them for as long as the Human Flock endures. And so His current form resides, taking the name Mike as His own, and the Flock is enriched by His Mighty Presence, even filtered as it is by the crude matter He dons to walk among them.

The Book of Mike 3:17-84

 

 

A very special thanks to ArgentBlaz.

Gravity vs Intelligent Falling. Round 1.

in 1687 Sir Isaac Newton was hit in the head with an apple. Now I’m sure he wasn’t the first person in history to be under an apple tree and have one fall and hit his head. I’m also fairly certain that people have been hit in the head by oranges, coconuts, pears, and bananas…yet it was an apple that sparked the idea in Newtons head about gravity. But what if Newton wasn’t the first to have the revelation, but just the first to publicize it? Perhaps Jesus was sitting under an apple tree, minding his own business, having a good time when an apple fell on HIS head. What if he looked at said apple and the thoughts of gravity started to flow through his mind?

But then he choose a different path…he said to himself  “self, someday…somewhere…someone will be hit with an apple again, and they will know what I know. But right now I have a greater opportunity.” And then Jesus decided to write a book, the single greatest work of fiction ever written. And in this book, the apple fell because someone wanted it to…and then all of mankind fell with it.

–M–

Open Your Eyes

Recently I asked several friends a question and was intrigued by the spectrum of answers. So now I ask you.

The Question: If this entire world we knew was a dream inside of another dream…where 1 second there is 1 million years here…and you became lucid and realized that these dreams were your own, would you want to wake up?

–M–

ps. I would definitely wake up. I would not be able to handle the thought of not knowing. How often do you get a chance to go backward through the looking glass?