Im just a misguided ghost…travelling endlessly…

for those that know me, you are aware of my sharp and biting sarcasm that i carry with me at all times. im never at a loss for words and can always make people laugh. sometimes, people are the victims so that others may laugh but i always turn my attention on those very others so everyone gets a turn.

for those that REALLY know me, they know that beyond this, im the rock when terrible things happen. the shoulder to cry on. the ear that listens. the person to vent to. and within that, i use my humor to make those closest to me laugh and smile. to ease their tears and alleviate their stress. and i do it gladly.

but i feel nothing.

i dont have those stresses, those fears and pains. i experience them right along side my friends and family, but i dont feel it that way they do. all i feel is humor. all i do is laugh and make those around me laugh…even at my own expense.

Pablo Neruda, a Chilean poet, once said “laughter is the language of the soul.” i hold to the belief that this is true. if it isnt, then i believe that i have no soul. if left me along time ago, and laughter is all i have left.

i have the ability to make anyone laugh in any situation, no matter how grave. is that really that bad?

–M–

…and back into the light.

deaths embrace. finally upon me. its warm…like a blanket. my eyes are closed, yet still the brightness overwhelms me. i struggle to open them, and when i do im in a clearing in the middle of a forest. a slight breeze hits me, carrying with it the wonderful aroma of pine and flowers. above, the clouds roll along, forever chasing a destination they can never reach. i feel something…something inside. happiness? i cant remember, its been so long. where am i? who am i? i feel so, so alive!!!

i find a trail heading into the woods and decide to follow it. it weaves in and out of the trees like a meandering river struggling to find its way. the trees are covered in soft, wet moss. the smell is invigorating. high in the trees i can hear birds chirping, and much closer small animals, that i can only assume may be rabbits or squirrels, scurry threw the underbrush at my approach. somewhere in the distance i can hear rushing water.

as i follow this path, i happen upon a cave. it goes so deep, its nothing but a black whole seemingly floating in the side of a granite outcropping. at the base of the opening is a small pile of stones, purposeful in there placement. dare i enter? this place is so beautiful…much more so then the darkness i awoke from. but curiosity gets the best of me, and i head inside…

IM AWAKE!?! but where am i? im in my bed…at home. but, how? how did i get here? was it a dream? how can i go back. was it the cave? that feeling…the feeling of happiness is gone once more. its still back there, in that beautiful forest. i went into the darkness and back into the light, but now im here. the gray area of this world. i dont know whats worse, not being alive…or not being dead. perhaps someday i will get to visit that forest once more…

–M–

ps. justacutebostongirl1212, when you lose your fear, let me know.