we’re sorry god, please dont hit us again :(

so as all of you should be already aware, an earthquake hit the east coast this week. being that the east is not over any tectonic plate boundries…this is rare. in fact, it was the first quake in Virginia since 1897. Californians made fun of our reaction to the little 5.8er. i truly enjoyed the pictures of “quake damage” on the web showing tipped over water bottles and yogurt cups.

but friends, this isnt funny. its serious. god is mad at us and thats why we got quaked! at least…thats what some people are saying. They say that the east got it for our “sins.”

now, the west coast gets a ton of quakes every year. like, several dozen. they must be sinning 24 hours a day!! we should take a lesson and not be like the west! it is clear that god hates west coasters and is showing that he will do the same to us east coasters if we dont straighten up and fly right!

and lest we not forget the quake that caused the tsunami that has crippled japan. their sins must have been so great, so unimaginable, that the number of dead and missing is almost 20,000.

so ladies and gentlemen, if youre gay, a minority, a woman, an atheist, or muslim, please stop pissing god off. go to church, pray, give 10%, and find an alter boy. do whatever you can to show god we love him and pray that he doesnt hurt us again.

just be thankful he isnt drinking when he hits us…those bruises stick around for weeks…

-M-

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gravity vs Intelligent Falling. Round 2.

so like i was saying, back in the 1600′s this guy was sitting under a tree, minding his own business and this apple decides to nail him in the head and BOOM! Gravity. or so the story goes…

first off, the apple didnt hit his head. he observed it falling from the tree, hitting the ground, and rolling a little. but here is the question…how do we really know it was an apple? it could have just as easily been a pear. or maybe he was chillin on the beach with a mojito and saw a coconut drop. hell, maybe some kid in a tree fell and busted his face open and he watched the blood roll downhill.

personally, i do not think it was an apple. there are 2 apples on earth that are universally known. adam’s apple from the garden of eden and newton’s apple. however, in the 1600′s only adam’s apple was known. the world at the time was very much into god as the “interventionist,” that things happened because he wanted them to. this finding, however, changed it to a stiff divide between that god and a god who creates based on order and leaves us to our own devices.

I think using the apple was a direct mockery of the apple from the bible and a giant middle finger to the “god” of that time (since its well known fact that god changes based on the year and who you ask and where they live). it hadnt even been two centuries since the dark ages and the spanish inquisition and the countless millions killed in the name of this god. newton saw an opening and went for it, never having realized the long lasting effects of his decision. how could he?

he took his science and put it up directly against religion, and won. and here we are. its kind of like those clowns in kansas no longer teaching evolution in their schools. a big middle finger to the scientific community. but thats the south for you.

we salute you newton!

–M–

What if god was one of us…then became a god?

I have often wondered if this “god” fellow is really a human from another world. And in this world, society has progressed hundred of trillions of years and has allowed its people to evolve the powers to make a small universe and, in effect, become our god.

think about it.

–M–

Gravity vs Intelligent Falling. Round 1.

in 1687 Sir Isaac Newton was hit in the head with an apple. Now I’m sure he wasn’t the first person in history to be under an apple tree and have one fall and hit his head. I’m also fairly certain that people have been hit in the head by oranges, coconuts, pears, and bananas…yet it was an apple that sparked the idea in Newtons head about gravity. But what if Newton wasn’t the first to have the revelation, but just the first to publicize it? Perhaps Jesus was sitting under an apple tree, minding his own business, having a good time when an apple fell on HIS head. What if he looked at said apple and the thoughts of gravity started to flow through his mind?

But then he choose a different path…he said to himself  “self, someday…somewhere…someone will be hit with an apple again, and they will know what I know. But right now I have a greater opportunity.” And then Jesus decided to write a book, the single greatest work of fiction ever written. And in this book, the apple fell because someone wanted it to…and then all of mankind fell with it.

–M–