I blame the Greeks

Last week, I reported god’s anger toward us for pushing a gay/environmental/equality agenda. But I was wrong. It wasnt him, I gave him too much credit. looking down on Earth from Mt. Olympus, one thing is abundantly clear: Zeus is pissed. Aside from being the King of Gods, he is also the god of weather, the god of law and order, law and order: SVU, and the god of fate.

Working chiefly with Poseidon (god of the sea, rivers, floods, droughts, and earthquakes), these two have wreaked havoc across America. An earthquake on the east coast, devastating floods from Hurricane Irene, and historic flooding along the Mississippi River.

And now, Hephaestus (god of fire), is getting in on the fun by spreading more and more wildfires. Half the country is burning, the other half is being washed away!!

We’ve also learned that the USPS is “operating on a week’s worth of cash” according to the Postmaster General and could face shutdowns. Clearly the work of Hermes, the god of messengers, language, and writing.

And it also seems that Hera, queen of marriage, women, and childbirth, has defected to the Tea Party to help them put a stop to reproductive rights in dozens of states.

Last, but not least, who could forget Hades? King of the underworld, god of the dead, and leader of the tea party. His strangle hold seems to be iron-clad. He could not be reached for comment.

Current reports suggest that several of the other gods, primarily Aphrodite (goddess of love and beauty), Apollo (god of music, healing, and poetry), Ares (god of manly courage and civil order), and Athena (goddess of wisdom, heroic endeavor, and reason) are in hiding, strategizing on a way to overthrow these dark times. this could not be confirmed independently, however.

But being that these gods are Greek, and that the current state of Greece is, well…its pretty bad, there is one thing we can do: kick these gods to the curb and start hanging out with the Norse God’s. After all, Germany does have its shit together!! See you at Oktoberfest with Loki, Thor, and Odin!

-M-